South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
