In the future we'll all be gay
She's JV to your varsity
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
