I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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