Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
