porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
