someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
