Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
