Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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