I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
