her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
