woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
