I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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