Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your penis caused this!
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