I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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