I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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