god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
