I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
