can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
