so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My ATM looks so different sober.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
