Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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