fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
