the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
