He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
