Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
