so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
