I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
