i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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