i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
