Im at strip club and am horny
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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