I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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