Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
