i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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