You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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