You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
