sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I FOUND THE LEGS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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