my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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