i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
