next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
