My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
