OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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