I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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