I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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