i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
