I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
