She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He shit in the fireplace
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
