Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
