Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
