I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
