Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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