id be glad to
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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