She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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