He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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