I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
