I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
