K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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