my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
