I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
