I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
