so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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