Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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