I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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