whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
