So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
