i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
