Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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