PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This is not my ceiling
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
