i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
