I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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