Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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