The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
