And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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