lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
