Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
